We are a friendly little island, this is not to say we have not been affected by the monstrous invasion of personal technologies onto our highways and bye ways, we have. But where others might embrace the ability to block out the sounds of the outside world, replacing everyday's symphony of sounds with Beethoven's fifth, our shrewd nation drop the sound right down, and on the train or the bus, we go about what we do naturally. So, while our fellow traveler is deep in juicy conversation with their previous night's lover, we, with earphones firmly implanted in straining ears, under the shadow of musical enjoyment, pick up another tit bit of info to be used at a later date.
Compliments are the oddest of creatures. They are designed to lift the recipient, but not too much that they levitate to an exalted position. Just enough to give them a boost but there is always the reproach stored in the psyche for that most awkward of chance occasions. The receiver takes the compliment, gorges on it, spreads it around their body, seeping through their veins. The compliment is doing what it shouldn't, it has gone too far. It is out of control, the recipient is experiencing surges of energy to parts of their body dormant for years, walking ten foot tall now, they take on all tasks and dominate.
It goes something like this. Compliment giver, "Hey, I haven't seen you in ages, you look great." "Why thank you. I've been in the gym working really hard, eating all the right things, I've stopped drinking alcohol and now I only cycle when I'm feeling lazy, the rest of the time I run everywhere", replies the recipient, misunderstanding the compliment. "You don't think you are overdoing it? Now that I think about it you do look a bit gaunt, nothing a huge steak and good night out wouldn't fix". Tables completely turned in one fell swoop.
I have spent time in other countries, one super power in particular, where their offspring are showered with compliments from the day they are born. "Well done for eating your dinner", "Super job on peeing", "Mummy is so proud of you today for doing what you were told". These children grow into adults who can command any social situation with confidence. They can walk into a room and instantly strike up a conversation with a stranger, supremely confident in their ability to converse in a coherent way. From my island they do not come.
I was back in a classroom situation for the first time in a long time recently. I walked into the room like I was walking onto a yacht, except this yacht was very old and the floor was in danger of disappearing at each step, or so it would appear from the way I approached my entry. So head down I proceeded carefully to the nearest free seat. Jacket off, bag down, bag open, notes out. Take out the phone, check for messages I know have not arrived, phone away. Then and only then, when I have only an imperceptible amount of sweat on my brow do I take my first tentative look around at my fellow classmates, sizing them up, like a polar bear that has encountered a penguin.
The first opportunity to speak is a harrowing time. What is your name and where do you work? "eh...I work in my name is and I'm from eh... that is all". That is what it sounded like, if anyone in the room could have heard it. Lunch time. Oh Jesus, talking to people I don't know. Ok, just pretend like you know them. "I used to love when the Christmas catalogue came through the door, I would spend ages reading it at breakfast when I was a kid". I said this to a woman that works for a massive Homeware and Fashion online store with a paper catalogue. "Why were you reading our catalogue as a kid?" "No, I meant the toy catalogue!" Why have I just told this perfectly reasonable woman that I read a toy catalogue as a child? Little did I know that this experience would stand to me nearly 30 years later.
Despite all this, I love my island and it's people. If you are from here don't get carried away, when I say love, I mean like!
No comments:
Post a Comment